Twins add vital piece to puzzle!

The Twinkies have hired Washington Nationals groundskeeper Larry DiVito!  We have not had a groundskeeper since 1981, when we left the beloved Metropolitan Stadium for uglier pastures (i.e. Homer Dome).  I heard La Velle E. Neal III on the radio yesterday fielding questions about how absurd it is to have an open air stadium.  Apparently, Bud Selig was texting Carl Poland weather patterns for April and September.  He was trying to convince him to put a roof on Target Field.  La Velle said last year on opening day it snowed 6 inches! 

I go back and forth on this issue.  I love the look of Safeco Field in Seattle.  I always thought our new stadium would be a reflection of Safeco.  Maybe a retractable roof was going to increase the overall cost of the stadium so much that the Minnesota citizens would have to fork over too much in taxes and the local government would have never given the Twins the green light.  In any event, I read the grass we will be using is a Kentucky bluegrass hybrid (I can just smell it), and beneath the grass will be a state-of-the-art drainage system and heating system.  I bet that heating system will pummel the snow!  Things are really starting to come together at Target Field.  I can’t wait to start the season already and say goodbye to the Homer Dome.  Farewell white dome and thank you for making outfielders look bush league.  Farewell blue baggy, we’ll miss Mauer hitting doubles off you.  Farewell field turf and thanks for the infield choppers.  And finally, farewell Humbert H. Humphrey Dome and the best home field advantage in sports history.*

-John

*Harold Reynolds said it, so it’s FACT!